You and me , at 9 months :)

I guess it's my egg ;) , Dr. Sai has done a great job !

Selfie time

Look at our eyebrows ! We both look alike, don't we ? Your mouth is more like your dad; from forehead to nose you resemble me. You are a perfect combination of us ! I feel very thankful. Love you.

A beautiful day which ended on a trip to Notaufnahme !

Previous Tuesday, we went to the krabbelgruppe after a very long gap. Your grandparents were here and I didn't find time for krabbelgruppe. When we went previous week, there were so many little ones of your age. What a sight it was to see children crawling everywhere in that small room ! I thought you will be very happy too. But alas, you cried and cried and cried. Everyone were watching you. Elder children in the group, like Josephine, came and wiped your tears. You were crying even louder when she came near you. You tried to grab her pacifier, which by default, is always in her mouth. She was so sweet, she asked her mom whether she can give her pacifier to you :) One more little one came and gave me a building block. I wondered for a moment about it and then realized that she wants that I give it to you in order to pacify you. How kind it is of all those little hearts, and how come this compassion and empathy to strangers is lost when people get older ( in most people ) !

I was thinking that you were having stranger anxiety. But, that was not the case. That evening we took you to emergency room because you were sick ! You had your first fever - more about it in my next letter :)

I took some pictures when we returned from krabbelgruppe that morning. That particular day, weather was awesome. It was on 29th September, 2015.

Enjoy the pictures, and see how tired you were. The church in the below picture is where the krabbelgruppe is held.

In krabbelgruppe, I also met a mom of a 8 month old girl. That little one was one day elder than you. She was so cute and had the most beautiful smile. But she was not crawling or sitting on her own. Her mother enquired me whether you have started to  crawl, and I said yes you have and you even stand by holding on to support ( It is very hard not to be proud of one's own child's achievements ! ). She exclaimed that her little one was not doing so. I assured her that soon she will start to crawl and not all children are created equal. Every child will reach the developmental milestones at their own pace, and it doesn't mean that something is wrong.  After few minutes, that lady took her little one and left. I was wondering whether she was hurt and worried ! Perhaps, I could have been a little slow to boast about you. That incident did bother me for sometime, thereafter !

You will soon be nine months old, Anisha. Time has flown by very quickly. You are saying multiple syllables from six months onwards ( like thathatha, atthaa, akka, and when crying, ammee ( hopefully that's me : ) You are very curious about all the things around you. You wouldn't sit in a place, you need to move all the time. We have kept all the things which might hurt you away from your reach. I have to keep an eye on you all the time. When you are doing something which might harm you, I have to forcefully remove you from that place. Although you are cooperative most of the time, sometimes you couldn't stand that I prevent you from doing things which gives you joy.  You cry or show your discontent by the noises you make. I have to carefully think about the pros and cons, and if I find that the outcome of a particular action of yours has the possibility of harming you, I have to interfere in your business. I think, this is what will be my responsibility for many more years to come. But, once you are mature enough to understand, and gracefully accept the results of your decisions and actions, I assure you that I will let you decide and act on your own will and wish, provided, I must be confident that you wouldn't hurt yourself very badly ( your body or soul ! ). And, I really wonder whether I myself have such wisdom !

Grow happy, healthy and strong, Anisha. I hope I will have the strength and wisdom to take care of you in the best possible way. I don't know whether I am good mom, but I am doing my best with the meager knowledge I posses. I am also learning from you, everday !

Love you kuttima, stay blessed !

Amma

The joy of finding a rainbow after a storm !

Anisha, yesterday there was heavy rain in Randersacker. After the rain, the sun came out. I was so sure that we will see a rainbow. We both went out and there it was, very bright and beautiful ! The rain has washed away all the dirt, and everything appeared so clean - the trees, the leaves, the grass, everything ! The entire atmosphere was relaxing. I couldn't stop clicking the beauty which my eyes captured. I hope, one day you will enjoy these rainbow pictures, too. You will get to see what my eyes saw and enjoyed !

You are our rainbow, too ! You came after a heavy storm - after we lost our twins ! I thought, I wouldn't survive the dark days that followed the loss of our little ones.
But, I did. When the stormy days are over, you appeared in our life like this beautiful rainbow. Or, your appearance ended our stormy days. I am grateful for your presence every single moment. I make sure to enjoy every moment with you. Your presence is a huge blessing.

Anisha, we are fortunate enough to live in a place where nature is at its best. There is greenery everywhere, the air smells so clean. Now, the autumn has arrived. The leaves are getting old and they will be gone soon. The apples and grapes are ripe. What a sight it is to see ripe grapes hanging on the vine ! Oh, how I wish that we could stay here fworever ! Since it's a small village, people are very kind and friendly, too ( probably, they are much happier than their city-dwelling counterparts ! ) . Yesterday, a grandma saw you when we went to buy groceries. She is very happy and excited to see you, little one. Do you know what she said ? She said, when you grow up, you will look like an angel :) That's a great compliment, isn't it ?

 I used to long to stay in such a place, I used to long for a house like this. But, we never managed to do so. Money was so important those days. Infertility treatments are very costly. But now, money doesn't seem to be important. Only you, your well being is important. I wanted a place where you could grow happy, comfortable and healthy. Fortunately, we are blessed to be in such a place. Perhaps, you are meant to spend your earlier days here. Why else should we get this opportunity to stay in a place like this ? My heart fills with joy when I see you enjoying and growing up with nature.

Everything appears like a dream ! All my wishes have come true so beautifully. That's unbelievable, and I am scared at times. I have learnt that life is so unpredictable. Everything can change at a wink of an eye. Nothing in this world lasts forever, nothing remains unchanged. This wisdom has instilled in me a deep sense of gratitude and humility. It has taught me to enjoy the present moment. It has helped me to appreciate everything and everyone, I have in my life. Anisha, life changes constantly. So, when you are facing a hard time, be strong and patient. Hard times won't last forever, life will get better, for sure. And, if you are enjoying happy times, remember that, it won't last longer too. So, be humble and thankful !

Below are some pictures of the rainbow, and also some pictures of us. We go for a morning stroll everyday ( the pictures were clicked by your dad during one such time ) , and those are our most beautiful moments of togetherness. 

Love,
Amma

Yashodha and little Krishna

Whenever, I used to see the below painting of Yashodha and Krishna, I used to dream of having a similar picture with my little one, too. If you wonder why most of our pictures are in a similar pose, this is the reason :) Doesn't reality look much better than the painting ?

Our Little Krishna !

Dear Anisha,

This year Gokulashtami ( Lord Krishna's Birthday Celebration - a Hindu festival ! )  is a very, very special one. Before I had you, every year, I used to wonder when will I have you so that I could decorate you as Little Krishna ! In Indian mythology, Lord Krishna was portrayed as a mischievous, beautiful, heart-capturing young one. He has a peacock feather decorating his crown and a flute in his hand. When he plays the flute, the music produced was said to mesmerize even the cattle. Whenever, I see pictures of little ones dressed like Little Krishna, my heart used to melt. Little children of  your age ooze out so much divine beauty and hence when dressed up like Little Krishna, they capture everyone's heart. You are no exception, you were  looking divine. You looked so adorable. And that divine smile, oh, how much I love your smile ! Anisha, I feel so blessed and thankful for having you. Be very happy always ! Love you.

Amma

I want you to know this !