Aren't you cute ?

Suddenly this picture appeared in my FB feed today , someone liked it. Anisha , how much you have grown ! I showed you this picture and you immediately kissed it :) Love you , Nana !

❤
Amma

My heart melts seeing this picture 😘

I am grateful for ...

YOU
Your dad
Our good health
All the love I receive
Having a shelter above our head
The food we eat
The financial stability
The beautiful place we live
Another brand new day to spend with you - because we never know when we have to leave

Life is too short to live with regrets
Yet , my heart aches at times
I must remember to be grateful for what I have
And , let go of what is not mine
Many don't have what I have -
I am so grateful for everything I have

Really Anisha , I am so very grateful for everything I have

Amma

A cactus flower

Isn't it beautiful Anisha ?

When I melt

Anisha , you gave me a hug and a kiss - isn't anything sweeter than this in the entire world ?

See those flowers , aren't they beautiful ? Previous year , the same time , we took a picture with these flowers. I was kissing you and you were smiling. And this year , you kissed me - yes , nowadays you know how to express your love with a hug and kiss. But , you do so only rarely. When I ask for a kiss , most of the time , you tilt your head to the right a little and shake it side to side , meaning , no - you look so cute when you shake your head so :)

Don't you see my face and heart melt in this picture ?

Amma

Don't we look alike ? :)

We do , right ?

❤
Amma

Wide awake !

Anisha , after so long , I am wide awake in the early morning. You are sleeping peacefully beside me. It's only 3:30 AM. How I wish I could sleep ! How I wish I don't brood on thoughts which troubles me ! How I wish I could forget the pain ! It hurts , and I know what triggered it. Perhaps I should avoid the trigger all together. I just need to sleep. My mind keeps on searching for that one word , or one moment , which assures it's not all delusion - but all I find is , how deluded , hopeless and troublesome I was. Anisha , it hurts. People use tools , how stupid I was to believe otherwise !

Amma

You are 17 months old !

Anisha , haven't written to you for long. I need to write so many things so that nothing gets missed out. I realize how much I forget quickly - so , it's very important I write down everything. Someday , we both might read all this together and enjoy these beautiful memories. I have also noticed that many old age people find happiness only in the memories they have saved. Your grandma , nowadays , talks a lot about our good , old times. I think , after some age , only our memories will be our good companion. But , even memories fade and get lost. I hope this blog remains forever , and you get much happiness reading this.

1. Height

You are tall - very tall ! I wish you grow to be much taller than me. At 17 months , you stand tall at 86 cms ! You are sometimes taller than children who are 4 or 5 months elder than you. I always wanted my child to be tall. I and your dad , have an average height. Your paternal grandma is very short. I was little worried whether you will end up short , too. Both your grandfathers are tall , almost 6 feet. Hopefully , you have inherited the genes which make you tall , and hope you reach a height which looks good on you :)

2. You are sweet

That's what I hear from everyone - from friends , from strangers , from everyone. You have a killer cuteness. Your smile is priceless. Whenever I take you out , people look at you and exclaim , " how sweet ! " I am of course a proud mom. One man on the road saw you with a chocolate in hand , he commented , " a sweet is eating sweet :) " Yesterday , one person in Edeka commented , " Black eyes , black hair - oh , how sweet she is !" He kept on looking at you and talking to you. You understood that he is admiring you , your expression was priceless - you were shy , proud and gave him a half - smile :) I never thought I looked beautiful , anytime. But seeing you , I know that I am not bad , after all. What proof do I need more  ! :)

3. Mischievous

Our home keys are hidden inside shoes ; new pair of sandals rest in dustbin ; tea bags are thrown inside grinder when I was grinding for idli - Anisha does all this , and much more ! Not even a moment I can turn my eyes from you. When I say ' No ' , your eyes lights up , a naughty smile creeps on your lips , and you want to do what is prohibited ! You are curious , curious about everything. You need to touch things , feel it with your hands and also with your mouth. I have learned not to curtail your inquisitiveness. If I do so , I stop you from learning. I make sure your actions don't harm you seriously , I allow you to do what you want , most of the time - as a result , our home is a big mess , at times , but , isn't it wiser to clean the mess rather than trying to restrict your curiosity. I want my child to experiment , experience and learn :) 

4. Breastmilk

You show no signs of weaning. I show no sign of giving up. We make a great combo :) Until now , you haven't drunk a cup of cow's milk or formula. Once I tried giving you cow's milk , you took the first sip , it was OK. You took the second sip and gagged. After that you never looked at the cup again - need not to say that I am very happy. You got a cold recently , after several months , and it lasted only for a day - the power of breastmilk and that's why I want you to be on breastmilk as long as possible. Breastmilk makes life easier for you , and easier for me. You have learned to cajole me for breastmilk when I refuse to feed you . You hold my chin with your tiny hands and look straight at into eyes ( your dad has taught you so :) Will I be able to say no after that ? :)

5. Anger

You get angry so soon. You are adamant. You throw whatever you have in your hand , when angry. You do hit us when we forcefully remove you from what you are doing. That's your way of saying ' No '.  Hopefully , when you start to communicate using words , this aggressiveness goes away. But even this lasts only for few seconds , the next moment you will be with your most adorable smile. You are a very happy child Anisha - stay so always !

6. Send to day care , she will learn to socialize !

People who said so have shut their mouth tight :) We met everyone in Giessen during a birthday party. Guess , who is very friendly , smiling and greeting people - it's you ! Guess , which children are panic stricken when they see strangers , not smiling at others , and looked so lost - the ones who go to day care. I can't be proud enough. Women who advised me before about sending you to day care never started that topic again. You are breastfed , you are 24*7 with me , I care for you every second , the end result is , you feel much loved , safe and happy :) How can a child who experience so much love and care not socialize ? You say hi to everyone with a smile in your lips. You love others attention. You want to interact with others :)

Lots more to say Ani kutty , let me continue some other time. You know what , using my smart phone to write blogs has give me text neck :( It's horribly painful at times.

Love ,

Amma