I danced !

Yes , I did. I can't be proud enough. All credits goes to my friend , Zeena ! She was the one who said , "Manju , we will do a simple dance for onam !" I was like , " Who , me !!!" But, she encouraged me, I went for the practice without much faith. But , I did pretty well. Other women in the group said , I did well too. So at the age of 39, I danced for the first time. My weight loss has helped immensely too. I was full of energy :)

I danced a long time back , exactly when I was studying fifth standard. I was 11 years then. I remember each and every details of it , the reason is .... read on , you will understand.

Teachers arranged a dance program for the school day. They selected bunch of girls, and a boy,  to perform the dance. I was in the center , and a handsome boy was my pair. Let me admit , I had a crush on him. Eleven years old might be too young to develop a crush for some , but not for intellectuals like us  I remember admiring his looks - very fair , curly hair ! He is our headmaster's grandson - they were Muslim's ! So, one fine day, we started the practice. I can't be more happy , right ? But as the practice progressed , the teachers realized that I was not so good in dancing.  Some girl from the side dancers performed better than me ! Then everything became topsy-turvy ! Teachers wanted that girl to be in the center ( obviously !)  and I was pushed  to the side. I was heartbroken. Can you imagine my plight ? I was no more the heroine , I was humiliated in front of my crush. And even worse , some other girl took my place,  and the privilege of dancing with my crush too . To make matters even worse , I already prepared the dress which was needed to perform as the center figure. It was different from the one's from the side dancers. Mine was a bright orange color with extra shiny decorations while other's dresses were a dull pink. The totally heartless teachers took my dress too and gave it to the girl who will dance in the center. Now , not only my crush , my dress is gone too. Can you feel my sadness ? I had to agree to everything , there is no other way. School day came , we danced , I couldn't bear seeing the girl wearing my dress - my beautiful dress , and dancing with my crush ! At that age , losing my beautiful dress affected me more than losing the chance to dance with my crush. Immediately after the dance was over , I went to the girl , looked straight into her eyes and said , " give me my dress , NOW !" I remember my mom looking at me strangely because that's so unlike me  I wore that dress , oh , how happy did I feel ! With that dress on , I went and received my medals for academic achievements from the chief guest. Thank God , that girl didn't get that privilege too !  That's a great flash back , right ? 

After that bitter experience , I avoided any dance programme. Why to humiliate myself ?! And after 29 years I danced again 

It's not my imagination , it's all real and it happened. I am happy that I got an opportunity to share this with you.

Anisha , I want that you know this : Never worry about other's opinion about you. If you like something do it. Doesn't matter who says what ! Never allow other's opinions to control you , especially, the negative ones. Once you loose the fear of public opinion and set your eyes only on your interests and passion , you will conquer anything. I am sure you will !

❤
Amma

Watching "Masha and the bear" !

It's 11:30 PM here. We both are watching "Masha and the bear". You slept well in the afternoon , and now you are not sleepy. Anisha , you wouldn't understand how much pleasure it is for me to watch a  cartoon with you - we both are laughing so loud , your dad has to warn us ( hehe 😜). Thank you for giving me a taste of childhood again ! Love you 😘❤
Amma

Our little princess !

Not so little anymore :) Only two years and six months , but it feels as if I am with you forever ❤

Low carb high fat diet !

I am trying to eat this way for sometime now , Anisha. It has made many likeable differences in me. Of course , there is healthy weight loss. Face looks fresh. But more than this , I am happy about the pain that has disappeared from my knee - there is less inflammation. I am also happy that my stomach feels so good from inside and outside. I am close to having a flat belly :) Carbs are not bad , but for my body ( insulin resistance ) excess carbs are harmful. This diet has helped my body a lot. I wish I knew about this when I was battling PCOD and harmonal disturbances at my peak reproductive period.

A trip to black forest !

My friend Devi came for a visit. So we went to visit few black forest tourist spots. How beautiful that area is ! Nature's beauty is at its best there. Your dad booked a place to stay in the middle of forest. It's more like a farm house. There were lots of cows , pigs and cats. You were running behind the cats. Devi gave you a nice company. You were calling her sister ! She is my classmate but she does look very young. Devi told me when we lost our twins , " Manju , I will be your surrogate ". That's very kind and compassionate of her. I am sure she misses you very much. You get attached to people too quickly. I am very happy that she came and that lead to this beautiful trip , even though it's just for a day ! I am sure Devi had a happy time with us.

Two years and five months ....

You are still happily breastfeeding :) So proud of myself ! Didn't want to lie , nowadays , I get angry at times , when you want to cling to my breasts. I have seen this with cats. After the little ones become a little bigger , and try to breastfeed , the mom cat gets very angry and tries to shoo away the young ones. The little ones will try to use every chance to cling to the breast. That's how we are nowadays. But I am still happy that breastmilk is great for you and gives you many goodies. So , two and half years and counting ....

You have gone out !

First time , in two and half years , you have gone to someone else's home without us. I and your dad are wondering what to do ! TV is running. I know your dad's mind is on you and so is mine. We thought you will cry and would come back immediately. No , it didn't happen. It's almost 20 mins now. The people who ' kidnapped 'you are a group of two boys and a girl. They are all engineering professionals. We already know a person in that group and he introduced two other people who live near our home. Actually , we could see their home from our balcony. As usual , when they are leaving , you don't want they go. So the girl said , "I will take her home. If she cries , I will bring her back ". I was so hesitant. I wouldn't have sent you if they are all men , definitely not. Now , I am sitting here and wondering how you are ! As I am typing this , I hear you cry :). You saw your dad from the balcony and want to come back :) Today morning , you held me tight and said , " Manju , I like you ". It felt so good to hear that in half-sleep. I love you too , Anisha , more than you would ever know. You will be back in minutes and my heart is jumping with joy. You haven't gone to kindergarten after that two weeks in February ! What happened ? Will write.

Amma