Dear Anisha ,
I cried all the way home from kindergarten. Today, they want that I leave you with them. If I am there , you don't want to abide by their rules. You try to break all the rules. The 'terrible two' period , and all the pampering you get at home is making you to ignore every rule they impose. You don't understand German and that makes it even more difficult. So , today , they want that I leave you with them. You were clinging to me and saying " No" when I said goodbye. I saw the fear in your eyes. I couldn't bear to see you like that - I closed the door of the KG room and broke into tears. Anisha , as much as it is hard for you , it's for me too. I wonder whether they take care of you well. I am sure they will. You might not get that special attention and enormous love , but I am sure you will be well cared for.
You love to go to KG. The first day in KG ( March 1st , 2017 ) you were screaming your lungs out. No ,you were not afraid. You cried because you didn't want to come back home :) It happened every single day then on - it's a struggle to bring you home everyday. Such was the happiness you had playing there. You were totally mesmerized. You cried all the way home after they sent us home on the first day , after an hour. You wanted to stay there longer, and, play , play and play.
You get ready every morning very happily. On reaching KG , you say bye to your dad several times. You hold my fingers and we climb the many steps, counting. You feel so happy to enter the room where your group children are ( you belong to ' little stars group ' ). As the children start coming one by one , you greet them happily. You love playing there with children , and the things that are present there. But , you don't like sitting in the table for breakfast. You simply couldn't sit there. You don't want to sit for eating fruits , too. And you don't want to sit with them when they are singing in the morning. Your mind is too active , you just want to run around. Not knowing the language makes things difficult , too.
Anisha , as I write this I feel much better. I wonder whether you are crying still. I wonder whether they are treating you kindly. I wonder whether I am doing the right thing - isn't your age too young for these struggles ? I wonder whether you will feel insecure hereafter. I wonder what's running in your mind now. I just want to hug you tight and say " see, I am here " . I can't wait to see you and hold you tight. Two more hours - I wish the time flies by ! Love you Anisha , I was never in so much love my entire 38 years of life. The mightiness of it makes me happy and fearful at the same time.
I know that , if not now , within a few weeks , you will be independent. You wouldn't want that I stay with you in KG. You might even forget me the entire time you stay there. As you grow , your need for me will get lesser and lesser. Many other people will become important in your life - first your teachers , then your friends , then the special someone who will make you dizzy with love , then your family , then your children who will make you realize what love is really about ! And someday , you might just call me everyday , or once a week to check how am I- just like , how I call my mother. But remember Anisha kutty , even in my deepest slumber I would always be thinking of you. I will be praying that you must be safe and happy always. That's what a mother's love is , and you will understand it when you become a mother yourself.
Love you so much , my dear daughter ! As you read this , imagine me as a ( crazy ) woman typing using her smart phone with stream of tears running down her cheeks :)
I really , really hope you stop crying and enjoy your time there.
Amma
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