Anisha , don't ever forget this !

You are a strong , smart , much wanted , beautiful , kind and  lovely human. We love you , and will love you no matter what. You are the best of best. You give us so much joy. Always remember this Anisha , always !

Why to shave your head ?

I get anxiety attacks when someone talks about shaving your head , and your paternal grandma talks about it often . I haven't told her yet that I will not allow anyone to remove your hair. I fought with your dad and told him that it will not happen. His and your aunts ( his sister's ) response is , " Don't act as if only your daughter goes through this ". What an arrogant , mocking way to respond to my fear ! I don't care what others do to their children , you are mine and I wouldn't allow this. I can't even imagine a person holding your head tight , you crying with fear , and I am so afraid of some person shaving your head with a knife. I will even hit him hard at the spur of the moment What kind of practice is this ?

I am sure , this time in India , my stance will create a huge discontent and  misunderstanding among our near and dear. But I can't allow anyone to do this to you , and more importantly , I won't allow anyone to do so without your permission. I haven't pierced your ear for the same reason and your grandma was already unhappy about it * sigh * I will shave my hair if it would be suffice to pacify their God or Goddess.

Amma

And counting ...

I am surviving all the twiddling and pinching :)

It's raining and ...

We had warm tomato soup. I remembered my dad. If it's raining , he will ask me to make tomato soup. It must be watery , that's how he likes it. It's not the crap we buy from shops. It's so flavorful , healthy and tasty. I made it today and you enjoyed it thoroughly. I saw my dad in you. I also relived my childhood rainy days where I and my dad would be sipping hot tomato soup and chatting. He would say many of his young age stories - oh , how much I loved listening to them ! Sometimes , when he had a hearty laugh ,   his eyes would tear up , he would wipe and continue talking -  I miss him Anisha , I do.

Anisha , some foods are very dear to me - not because of the taste , but because of the memories I associate with it. I connect some food to beautiful memories , I guess everyone will do so. That's why I take cooking very seriously - it's a great way of showing love and affection. My dad hated  eating in restaurants , and he is someone who created an interest in cooking and nutrition , in my mind.  I am sure I have given you a nutritious start and  I am so proud of myself. You have a taste for nutritious foods. You hate anything sweet , you hate junk food. You love your fruits , veggies and meat. You prefer to eat boiled cow peas , chick peas or corn instead of cookies or chocolates. You haven't eaten a full chocolate until now. All you do with a chocolate is to  squeeze it and throw it around :) I hope you will develop a love for cooking too.

This tomato soup is very simple to make. I will leave the recipe here , in case if you need to make it someday and in case if I am not available :) So , here we go :

Ripe tomatoes - 4
Onion -  1 no
Garlic - 4-5 small pods
Jeera - 1 tbsp
Black pepper - 1 tsp or according to your taste
Turmeric - 1/2 tsp
Lime juice - tbsp ( optional )
I used olive oil , butter , rapeseed and coconut oil ( I love mixing oils , esp , when I cook for you - a healthy dose of fats ! )

Heat a pressure cooker pan , add the oils as much as you need , when the oil is hot , add cut onions and garlic , saute till the onions turn translucent , then add the tomatoes and turmeric , now add salt and saute in high heat for sometime , powder the jeera and black pepper coarsely and add it to the mixture in the pan. Add enough water , close and leave it for 5-6 whistles , as the pressure gets released a wonderful aroma fills your nostrils. Before serving mix in lime juice , adjust salt. 

The soup will be watery , and it tastes great. If you have mushrooms add a handful of it too.

When you suffer from cold , this soup gives the much needed relief. It has a good dose of anti - viral ingredients ( onion , garlic , turmeric ) , lots of lycopene , and pepper keeps you warm. Lime provides the necessary Vit C.

You just slurped it eagerly and that made my day :)

❤
Amma

Brombachsee

You had a wonderful time yesterday. You love water , and you spent most of your time in water . Brombachsee is just one and half hour drive from our place. It's a man - made lake , not a sea. The best thing about this place is , there are only very few visitors and hence less pollution. This makes it very serene , too.

Look at the pictures :) How I wish I could post some of my pictures too ! If I have had a beach body definitely I would flaunt it. I was telling your dad , " This swim suit is not the right choice , it appears as if I don't have a hip at all. He said , " Why to blame the dress , instead of accepting the reality 😜? " Sometimes you get enlightened only during such moments 😁 Perhaps , I must do something about it - at least once in my life time I must wear a swim suit and feel good about myself 😍

Anisha , what I said is just to add a bit of humor. Humans come in all sizes , and the shape of our body has to do a lot with our genetic make up. Yes , it is possible to maintain a well toned body , if you could really afford to do so. Healthy body is very important. It is the base with which you can build everything else. Eating healthy , being active and maintaining an ideal weight is important. But it doesn't mean that you must aim for the body shape a model posses. In other words , a thin , curvy body isn't for everyone and doesn't always mean it's healthy. When you are young , you might connect beauty with a perfect face and body. But as you mature , you will realize beauty isn't about what you see outside a person. Actually , when you love someone dearly , outward appearance doesn't matter at all. There are many beautiful things in a human than their physical appearance. Once you learn to appreciate the inner beauty , you no more differentiate people depending on their skin color , height or weight. I wish you get this maturity much earlier , at least , before you select a person with whom you would love to spend your life with :)

Coming back to the point , the photos really helped me to understand that I need some healthy changes to my lifestyle. Hopefully I keep myself motivated.

You enjoyed Brombachsee trip very much. Even though the water is cold , even though you were shivering , you wanted to be in water. I can't wait for you to start learning swimming. I am sure you will enjoy it.

Hearty laugh

This is how it will be :)

Twenty months old

Dear Anisha ,

Time flies. You are so grown up ! Your presence has made me so contented. I couldn't believe that only 20 months before I held you in my hands , only 20 months before I met you - it feels like eternity. You were in my heart long , long before you were conceived . A woman doesn't have to have a baby to become a mother. The moment she decides that she wants a child , she becomes a mother. Only a mother could fight the long battle ( with infertility ) I fought , a woman can't do that . The love I feel for you is so beautiful - it makes me happy , it makes me better , it makes me love myself more. The love you have for me is amazing , too. You forgive and forget my anger and shortcomings in a moment. When I get angry and raise my voice - with tears in eyes , you look deep into my eyes and start saying something  ( it appears as if you were defending , it appears as if you were apologizing ) . I don't really understand what you utter , but I understand the language your eyes and tears speak. It just melts me , then , all I could do is smile , hug and kiss you. I am sorry if I get angry  , I am trying hard not to loose my temper , but at times , that's the only way to slow you down , to bring some sense into your actions. I am a human after all , so please bear with me , Anisha . 

Only a year more , then you will start going to kinder garden. I will definitely miss our togetherness. But I am also excited to see you getting independent. I can't wait to see you make friends , and deal with life in your own way. I can't wait to see your personality getting shaped. I hope we could provide you the best possible environment for that.

Anisha , you are no more a baby. You show every emotion an adult does. Your emotional intelligence makes me very proud.  You are very kind to other children. One of our friend's kid came home and was playing with your toys. I was wondering whether you would take your toy by force ! He is only one year old. I was also trying to be careful - what if you raise your hands was my worry. You behaved so well. You were clapping and encouraging him when he was playing with your toys ; you were crawling along with him playfully and you were slowly touching his head ( as if touching a fragile flower ) to see how it feels :)

Nowadays , you say so many words. I lost count of them. You sing rhymes , not clearly, but you are attempting. You can count from one to ten , yes you can :) When you were very little , you used to cry when your dad closes the door of the toilet and disappears. So , in order to calm you down , I used to counrt from one to ten , when I hear him open the door I say ten and he appears. You feel so happy. Thus you learned to count one to ten. You say six so beautifully 'chhicks' :) You can fix shapes puzzles. You sometimes mix up two words , for example , pumpkin and tomato mixed up is ' Tomkin ' :) You haven't started speaking sentences yet. If you were in India , I am sure you would be speaking sentences by now. You say bye in English , German and French :) Our house owner grandpa has taught you that. You just adore him. Once , when he was with his grandson , and was leaving somewhere , you were very upset. Actually , you were so excited to see him. He had to leave immediately with Ben - the moment he stepped aside , you threw something you had in your hand angrily , your face expression clearly showed that you were hurt , you were not happy. I had to divert your attention. You know what , I am much more hurt on seeing you like that. Your paternal grandpa loves you to bits and pieces. Moments like these makes me wonder whether we must stay in Germany ! I need to write down the pros and cons of settling down in India Vs Germany , and really have to put my heart , brain and soul into it before coming to a conclusion. To be honest , both , I and your dad , are unable to decide. Oh , how I wish you were old enough to say something regarding this.

Whatelse Anisha , hmm.... , whether we move to India or not , we might not be living in this beautiful place for long. Perhaps we need to move to a new city. Nothing is clear as of now. I just wish everything puts us in a better path.

Day after tomorrow , we are going to a beautiful place nearby .  I am sure you are going to enjoy playing in water and sand. It's a beach.

Anisha , stay very happy , healthy and blessed. May you have a very long life. Grow stronger :)

❤ you loads ,
Amma

Should we move to India ?

Anisha , this question is haunting me. There are days I loose my sleep over this. The more I think , more confused I become. I wish someone could guide me through this :(

Amma

Happy girls are the prettiest :)

Don't you agree , Anisha ?

Need to tell you something , yesterday , you had your first bus ride. You were so overjoyed , you didn't want to get down :) You were interacting with the fellow passengers ; you were so happy with the attention you got. I had to stop you when you started imitating an old woman sitting next to us. When a little child was crying , you said ' bibi ' ( baby :).  And , when I sang , ' baby on the bus goes ' , you were wiping your eyes and said ' wah , wah , wah ' Children get happy from smallest pleasures , and you know what , I get happy and excited for many small things , too. So , for many , I appear crazy :) Doesn't matter , I love the way I live my life.  Never let anything consume your ability to find joy in small things , actually , real happiness lies only in small things that happen everyday.

❤
Amma