Our first meeting

Dear Daughter,

The first time I met you, you were so teeny-tiny I needed a microscope to see you, yes a mi-kro-skop ! I wonder how many mom's have seen their daughter via a microscope ! I got the privilege to see you so. You were happily floating in the nutrient medium, in a petri dish, in Malpani Infertility Clinic's IVF lab in Mumbai. You were so small you would have fitted easily on the tip of a pinhead, yes, that teeny-tiny you were ! Anisha, even then, you were looking so beautiful and that is why you were selected to be transferred to my uterus; you won your first "beauty pageant" ! Your life has started just five days before (exactly on May 3rd, 2014). The embryologist called you as blastocyst. Isn't that a cute name ? The scientific name of all five day old embryos is blastocyst. From a blastocyst to becoming a baby, there is a long road ahead with lots of obstacles inbetween. I was not sure at that time whether you will grow into our beautiful baby but I really, really hoped you should. Unfortunately not all embryos that enter the uterus will grow into a baby, on their way to becoming a baby many yield to the obstacles and vanish forever. I looked at you with love and hope as I have looked at all my 24 other embryos, during my previous 10 embryo transfers. I talked to you silently. I asked you, "Will you become our baby, please ! Mamma has no more strength to go through this ordeal" As a result of self-pity, a wetness spread in my eyes blurring my vision. You must have understood my pain. You must have smiled and nodded affirmatively but my watery eyes failed to notice it ! That was our first meeting. After that, within few minutes, you were transferred to my uterus (on May 8th, 2014). There started your journey to become a baby ! After our first meeting I saw you several times during our ultrasound sessions. You crossed obstacles after obstacles and grew strong and sturdy.

Exactly 250 days after you entered my uterus, you came out of my uterus as beautiful Anisha.  Isn't that a great miracle ? A 50-60 celled microscopic ball which was transferred to my uterus came out as 3 kg, 48 cm beautiful baby ! That is when we met again in person; our real eye to eye, skin to skin contact happened then. It was a beautiful morning on January 13th, 2015. I was lying down in the labor room. I was so tired due to lack of sleep and labor pain. I was surrounded by doctors and midwives; your dad was standing beside me holding my hands. He was tired too and anxiously awaiting for your arrival. I was getting enormous pressure in my pelvic region. You were pushing hard from within to enter this beautiful world, you must be very tired too. I heard the head nurse say, "push". I gathered all my strength and gave a hard push. Suddenly all the pressure in my pelvic region vanished, I felt a great relief and at the same moment I heard the most beautiful cry of my lifetime. Yes, that's you ! You were screaming, announcing your arrival to all of us, to this world. Your dad broke into tears. I was smiling ! They took you, wiped a bit, put on a diaper and then kept you on my chest, my daughter. It felt heavenly to see you, to touch you, to kiss you. I was calling you with different endearment terms, trying to feel you with my hand and heart. I might have easily looked like an insane person, blabbering with immense joy and ecstasy, totally engrossed in you. You felt so good to touch. You were licking everything that came in touch with your mouth. That was super cute and I was dying to feed you.

So, that is how our first few meetings were. Did I fall in love with you at first sight ? No, not at all ! I fell in love with you even before that.

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of love".

                                        Maureen Hawkins

Loads of love,

Amma