Pain

Anisha , now it's past midnight. I am lying near you crying my heart out. I have you , and everything else one would wish for. Is this depression ? I don't know. Perhaps , it's not. I had a dream. There was a dinner table. Many I know were sitting there. I say to the people there that I need a particular place in the dinner table because a person whom I am so fond of is supposed to sit next to that place. We were all waiting for that person but he was not yet there. We all fell asleep on the table. I woke up to find that the person is not yet there. I was crying ; I could feel the pain. The pain of not able to see that person. The pain of failed expectation ; the pain of neglect.  I cry and cry , and suddenly he was there. My heart jumps with joy and excitement. And , I woke up. The dream cleary shows my longing and pain. Do you know which is the worst pain in this world ? It is to know that you were just being used , and not loved or appreciated in anyway :)

Will putting this in words help me to sleep ? Hope it does , after all , writing is cathartic , especially , writing to you !

Amma