Twenty months old

Dear Anisha ,

Time flies. You are so grown up ! Your presence has made me so contented. I couldn't believe that only 20 months before I held you in my hands , only 20 months before I met you - it feels like eternity. You were in my heart long , long before you were conceived . A woman doesn't have to have a baby to become a mother. The moment she decides that she wants a child , she becomes a mother. Only a mother could fight the long battle ( with infertility ) I fought , a woman can't do that . The love I feel for you is so beautiful - it makes me happy , it makes me better , it makes me love myself more. The love you have for me is amazing , too. You forgive and forget my anger and shortcomings in a moment. When I get angry and raise my voice - with tears in eyes , you look deep into my eyes and start saying something  ( it appears as if you were defending , it appears as if you were apologizing ) . I don't really understand what you utter , but I understand the language your eyes and tears speak. It just melts me , then , all I could do is smile , hug and kiss you. I am sorry if I get angry  , I am trying hard not to loose my temper , but at times , that's the only way to slow you down , to bring some sense into your actions. I am a human after all , so please bear with me , Anisha . 

Only a year more , then you will start going to kinder garden. I will definitely miss our togetherness. But I am also excited to see you getting independent. I can't wait to see you make friends , and deal with life in your own way. I can't wait to see your personality getting shaped. I hope we could provide you the best possible environment for that.

Anisha , you are no more a baby. You show every emotion an adult does. Your emotional intelligence makes me very proud.  You are very kind to other children. One of our friend's kid came home and was playing with your toys. I was wondering whether you would take your toy by force ! He is only one year old. I was also trying to be careful - what if you raise your hands was my worry. You behaved so well. You were clapping and encouraging him when he was playing with your toys ; you were crawling along with him playfully and you were slowly touching his head ( as if touching a fragile flower ) to see how it feels :)

Nowadays , you say so many words. I lost count of them. You sing rhymes , not clearly, but you are attempting. You can count from one to ten , yes you can :) When you were very little , you used to cry when your dad closes the door of the toilet and disappears. So , in order to calm you down , I used to counrt from one to ten , when I hear him open the door I say ten and he appears. You feel so happy. Thus you learned to count one to ten. You say six so beautifully 'chhicks' :) You can fix shapes puzzles. You sometimes mix up two words , for example , pumpkin and tomato mixed up is ' Tomkin ' :) You haven't started speaking sentences yet. If you were in India , I am sure you would be speaking sentences by now. You say bye in English , German and French :) Our house owner grandpa has taught you that. You just adore him. Once , when he was with his grandson , and was leaving somewhere , you were very upset. Actually , you were so excited to see him. He had to leave immediately with Ben - the moment he stepped aside , you threw something you had in your hand angrily , your face expression clearly showed that you were hurt , you were not happy. I had to divert your attention. You know what , I am much more hurt on seeing you like that. Your paternal grandpa loves you to bits and pieces. Moments like these makes me wonder whether we must stay in Germany ! I need to write down the pros and cons of settling down in India Vs Germany , and really have to put my heart , brain and soul into it before coming to a conclusion. To be honest , both , I and your dad , are unable to decide. Oh , how I wish you were old enough to say something regarding this.

Whatelse Anisha , hmm.... , whether we move to India or not , we might not be living in this beautiful place for long. Perhaps we need to move to a new city. Nothing is clear as of now. I just wish everything puts us in a better path.

Day after tomorrow , we are going to a beautiful place nearby .  I am sure you are going to enjoy playing in water and sand. It's a beach.

Anisha , stay very happy , healthy and blessed. May you have a very long life. Grow stronger :)

❤ you loads ,
Amma